I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
