Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
