apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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