I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
