sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
