Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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