i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His nipple licking is glorious
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