Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
MIDGETS
????
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
