epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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