how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
