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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me

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