I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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