The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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