She's JV to your varsity
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
