Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
