It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.