Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.