I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.