it wasn't lemon gatorade
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices