someone threw a dead crab at me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize