You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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