i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
