So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
