That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
