The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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