i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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