i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my liver is dry heaving
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
