I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
