We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
