You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
