The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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