Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
