The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
