Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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