remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
