So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
