when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
