also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
