I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
