My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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