I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
