oh god the rape fog is back!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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