she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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