chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
