You made me cry and you don't even care
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
