Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
