We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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