I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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