i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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