What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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