I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
