All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ketchup is God's man juice
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
