i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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