is your mom at the bar?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
