when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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