4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
