He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
