I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
