I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
