When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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