She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
