ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He better not be in your backpack
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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