Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize