Will you blow on my dice?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
