No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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