i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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