i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
