Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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