Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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