whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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