the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i permit you to call me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
