I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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