Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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