i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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