My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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