Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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