I faked an abortion last night.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
