after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
