His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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