is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize