which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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