the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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