Kiss
Puke
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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