I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
