I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
