Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
