It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
